I was very disappointed to hear about the Gores' separation. It's as though members of the family, maybe a favorite aunt and uncle, told you they were splitting after 40 years. And yet she has lots of years ahead of her to find her independent happiness, as does he, and a new study reveals that as we get older—past 50 and into our later years—we actually get happier.
It's so counter intuitive that as our bodies slow down, our hearts fill with joy, but I think that I am happier now than I was in my 20s, when I was all angst-ridden and insecure. In my 30s, it was all about raising kids and stressing over the work-life balance. Now I can think: Who do I want be and what do I want to do? It's true that my kids are still in my sphere more than the Gores, whose kids are grown and have marriages and kids of their own. But with teenagers, I feel like you get a lot of time back now that they can feed and clothe themselves. Which leaves the question for women: What do you want to make of those years?
So while I'm sad about the Gores, I wish both of them all the happiness in store for their next decades. And for me? I am planning to stay married to the same very amazing and loving and great person I've been married to for the half lifetime we've been together. (Sorry, Jimmy, can't get rid of me yet!)
If you want to be happy now and in the decades to come, SELF has nine great tips for boosting your mood, living your best life and making the most of every moment. Try one—or all of them—today!
1. Live in the nowSometimes it feels as if you can replay childhood memories like a movie, and these scenes take on more importance than other life events. Freud called such past moments "screen memories" because we tend to filter our lives through them. Even though these memories may appear as clear today as yesteryear, they keep you from letting go and moving forward. Instead of dwelling in the past, live for today.
2. Be true to you
Mirroring, or pinging, is the feedback you receive from trusted loved ones. You use these sonar signals like dolphins that ping their way through jagged shoals to open water. They key is to deflect the negative energy from others' comments and follow your own heart. Finding the strength to end a 40-year marriage is certainly a start.
3. Do the next right thing
In the relationship equation, you are A, B is someone you have conflict with and C is the relationship. Don't waste your time trying to, say, change your partner's travel schedule (for an example the Gores might relate to)—that has little chance of working. The only way to change the outcome is to work on yourself. Once you've done that, and you still don't get the results you desire (and deserve), it's time to move on.
4. Sweat to smile
While at SELF we encourage workouts for the better-body benefits, the effects exercise has on your brain are just as beneficial. "Physical activity stimulates the feel-good chemical dopamine, which increases our sense of well-being," explains Stephen Ilardi, Ph.D., author of The Depression Cure (Da Capo Press). In fact, according to a study from Duke University in Durham, North Carolina, a run outside or cycling in a Spin class may be just as effective in relieving mild to moderate depression as the antidepressant Zoloft. Going through a divorce, a death in the family or some other tough change in your life? Consider renewing your gym membership an investment in your health and happiness.
5. Get your beauty rest
People who have insomnia have a fivefold risk of developing depression compared with those who are well rested, according to a study from the University of North Texas in Denton. Aim for seven to eight hours of shut-eye per night.
6. Find your breath
Some studies suggest that regular meditation reduces the recurrence of depression as effectively as medication. Start off small: Just close your eyes and listen to your breath. If your mind begins to wander, let your thoughts go and refocus on inhaling and exhaling. Practice with a pen and paper beside you. If thoughts are reoccurring, write them down so you know they are in safe place and can return to them later.
7. Let the sun shine in (literally)
Depressed people exposed to bright light for an hour upon waking for five weeks experienced a 54 percent improvement in symptoms in a study from Wesleyan University in Middletown, Connecticut. Luckily, it's the perfect time of year to spend plenty of time outdoors.
8. Upgrade your diet
"The omega-3 fatty acids in cold-water fish help the brain respond to signals from the mood chemicals dopamine and serotonin," says Stephen Ilardi, Ph.D., author of The Depression Cure (Da Capo Press). Add colorful fruits and veggies as a side to your salmon and you'll also protect your brain from inflammation that can trigger a bout of depression.
9. A girl's gotta have friends
Nothing beats the blues like a close pal you can cry with, laugh with and maybe even indulge in a pint of Ben & Jerry's with. Research from the University of Chicago revels that a close circle of friends can be critical to your happiness; lonely people have increased levels of depression. Open a bottle of red, cuddle up on the couch with a certain girlfriend you love, and watch your favorite chick-flick. You'll also watch the stress melt away.
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