Who gave you the best birth control advice?

It was one of those perfect Sundays with sunshine streaming through the windows, no real agenda, an over-sized mug of strong coffee, several different newspapers scattered on the couch next to me, and a dose of birth control.

So the birth control was not actually on the couch or lacing the coffee. But it was in the paper. Or at least an interesting issue about birth control was in the paper.

In Dr. Ruth's sex advice column, I found a letter that stopped me from pondering big news like the oil spill disaster and budget cuts in the schools. A grandmother's letter to Dr. Ruth explained her dilemma in wanting to open up a conversation with her 15-year-old granddaughter about birth control.

She wanted to know if it is OK for a grandma to broach this delicate subject, and if it might imply permission for her teen grandchild to have sex.

Dr. Ruth's answer was not simple, but it was straightforward. She said that, with some careful thought and wording, birth control information does not imply permission to have sex. She also advised the grandmother to leave that conversation between the girl and her parents if the grandmother believes the parents are already in tune to the girl having a boyfriend.

Dr. Ruth does add an interesting and valid note -- that most parents are not willing to admit that their child could be or is sexually active.

Of course, we all know this is true, if not from our own experience in coming of age then from the experiences our friends and partners have shared over the years. By the time most of my good friends' parents broached the subjects of sex and birth control, they'd already been sexually active for several years, many of them regulars at Planned Parenthood.

Although I agreed with Dr. Ruth that the grandmother could complicate the conversation, I also wondered if maybe the expert was not on point in advising the grandmother to be completely quiet. After all, if the parents aren't ready to see the situation yet, maybe the grandmother is and is just removed enough to have a safe and open discussion.

Don't get me wrong -- there is no way in the world I would have wanted my grandmother's asking me if I was on the pill or practicing safe sex now, let alone when I was in high school. But I wonder if a well-placed, vague question -- something like, "I see you've been dating your boyfriend for a year now. Are you taking good care of yourself within this relationship?" -- would have embarrassed me momentarily but made me feel secure and supported in the long run.

After hearing all those stories of sex talks gone wrong and birth control questions asked after fifteen packs of pills have dutifully been swallowed and countless condom packages torn open, I also know that not all parents are equipped with the insight, emotion, or information to have those conversations. And what if a grandmother or aunt or best friend or teacher or swimming coach is an OK person to ask the questions and give out advice?

I'm in no way implying parents shouldn't be involved. In the best of all worlds, the parents would suck up their own worries or insecurities and talk to their kids about sex and birth control in responsible, empowering ways. In the real world, though, that just doesn't always happen.

I'm no Dr. Ruth. And I have many more conversations and awkward moments ahead in educating and supporting and doing my best to protect the health of my own young son. I just wish Dr. Ruth would have told the grandmother that it is just fine to say just enough, even if that is reminding her that she once had a boyfriend and she is there if the granddaughter needs to talk about anything at all.

What if that opened the door to a really candid talk? Or what if it made the teenager feel like she had a place and person to go to with her concerns? Or what if it meant the girl thought twice, took better care, did something to prevent a pregnancy or steer clear of an STI,  voiced a concern about something happening with her boyfriend, or even empowered her to speak up and say no if she's not ready to be sexually active? That seems worth the risk of complicating the situation to me.

What do you think? Is it a grandparent's place to ask sexual health questions?

And who gave you the best birth control advice when you were young?

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